Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
