Got a toothbrush?
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
