ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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