just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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