Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
