Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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