I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I love you.
Bad choice
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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