i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
