I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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