evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
