a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
