How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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