that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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