he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
