Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
