i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
