Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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