You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
