are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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