I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
