White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
