I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
