I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
