I skipped work to stalk him.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you remember whose house we're in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
