i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
