new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize