Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
