It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
