so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
