It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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