So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
