You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
