Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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