How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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