Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize