I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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