I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
