so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
