Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize