I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
