hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize