i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The adults are the big ones right?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Never underestimate the power of titties
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