Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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