just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
