True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
