I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
