Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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