Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
