Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
