i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
