Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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