i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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