she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
