Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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