What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
