what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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