so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
